Bah Humbug To The NBA

Chris Paul recently joined the Clippers in a trade that basically sucked the
life out of the New Orleans Hornets. The Paul trade is just one of many
reasons I am locking out the NBA from my TV set this Christmas.

The NBA season begins on Christmas, and to be honest, I could not care less.

It isn't that I don't like the NBA — or basketball for that matter. I used to be a huge fan, but this past offseason as been more of a put-off than a turn-on.

Don't take it personal, NBA fans. It's nothing you did. If you had to blame someone, blame the greedy players and owners who couldn't settle things like civilized human beings. Instead, they both wanted everything without giving up anything — proving that there was no bargaining in the bargaining agreement.

The previous lockout left fans with a sour taste in their mouth, but this lockout seemed slightly worse. Perhaps it was the NBA trying to rush through a half-hearted attempt at a preseason to make sure that they don't lose the TV revenue on Christmas. Or maybe it was the league's rejection of a trade that would have sent Chris Paul to the Lakers after allowing LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh to all sign with the Heat a year ago.

Paul eventually found his way to Los Angeles, by way of joining the Clippers. Understandably, the Clippers have need help for years — looking more like an NBA D-League team than an actual competitor. But was allowing Paul to join forces with Blake Griffin really the answer?

The trade has turned one mediocre team into a contender, but it sucked the life out of another city with a history of heartbreak. New Orleans has already lost one team, and I wouldn't be surprised if the Hornets don't find a new home in the coming years.

So while many fans will watch the full slate of games to begin on Christmas, I will spend my day with the family waiting for the NFL game to start. And as for the NBA's owners and players, they can expect a lump of coal in their stockings.

Caution: Choking Hazard

LeBron James and Dwyane Wade showed their immaturity 

by faking an illness before Game 5 of the NBA Finals. And 

they wonder why everyone hates them?

And the award for Worst Actor/Poorest Sports goes too.... none other than LeBron James and Dwyane Wade.

As if the world didn't have enough of a reason to hate the Miami Heat, Wade and James proved their arrogance once again – this time pretending to be sick during the shoot-around before Game 5, mocking Dirk Nowitzki's illness during Game 4 of the series.

What did Dirk ever do to them?

Sure, at times the media has hyped up a players illness to make a more interesting story – that happens after covering a hundred games over the course of the year. But anybody who has ever played a sport while battling the flu knows how difficult it can be. Your body moves slower. Your mind is sluggish. It's nearly impossible to be on top of your game.

Wade and James proved their immaturity, having fake coughing fits during practice. They act like they've already wrapped up the NBA title, they just need to show to claim it. The ironic part is that neither Wade nor James has really shown up in the Finals.

But what makes the crime against Nowitzki even more puzzling is the fact that Wade is involved. Wade has been the poster boy on toughness. Even in this series he's been battling several injuries – all while not hiding that fact from the media.

Now he's jumping on Dirk for fighting through a 101-degree fever? Sounds a little bit like a double standard, don't you think Mr. Wade?

There used to be a time when basketball was a great sport – no drama, players caring for each other while also being competitive. Not any more – at least not in Miami.

The Heat have more drama than a high school girls' locker room. While they are trying to come together for a championship, it seems like their individual egos are taking over. And I, for one, could not be happier.

With tip-off just a few hours away, I hope Dirk can muster enough strength to end the South Beach Trio's season without a ring. He certainly deserves it by playing the game the right way, without complaining or antagonizing the other team.

If that happens, perhaps we'll see that those coughing fits by Wade and James were real – as the first warning signs of what could be the greatest choke job in the history of sports.

Predicting Doomsday

"Macho Man" Randy Savage seemed like a perfect pick
to be the first one taken during the Rapture. Who wouldn't
want someone like him guarding the pearly gates when the
rest of the world ascends to heaven?

If you are reading this, chances are you were left behind during the Rapture. Either that or you have been are in hell, which means that you are about to lose your internet connection right... about... now.

Those of that fell for Harold Camping's prediction to the end of the world, do not feel ashamed. All looked well when God selected "Macho Man" Randy Savage early Saturday afternoon as the first pick of the Rapture. Who wouldn't want a flashy wrestler like that guarding the pearly gates as millions of people tried to find their way into heaven like it was the Super Bowl?

But for future reference, Camping might want to take a closer look at the sports world before making such a bold prediction.

For starters, while "Macho Man" was selected, God might also call upon some of the best NFL linemen to serve as bodyguards. As any quarterback in the NFL will tell you, you can never have too much help on the blindside – just ask Joe Theismann.

While the current NFL lockout may point toward the end of days for most sports fans, the fact still remains that there are some cities who are so starved for a championship, they would sell their soul to Satan – or Miami, but that's really splitting hairs.

That's right Buffalo and Cleveland, I'm talking about you.

A few years ago, the Sabres even reached the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since the 1979-80 season – only to be denied by the Dallas Stars. Dallas had already been a nemesis of Buffalo residents long before that, as Bills fans can attest, seeing the Cowboys steal championships in the closing seconds.

Meanwhile, the LeBron led Cavs had their shot against the Lakers. The Tribe also had its chances, but Edgar Renteria's single dashed their hopes in Game 7 of the World Series. Turns out, Camping might want to look at "Back To The Future" more than the Bible for his next prediction.

Of course, Camping has said that we won't start seeing signs of the coming Apocalypse for another five months. Ironically, that would put it in October – or just as the Cubs and Indians begin making their quest for titles and the NFL and NBA seasons are getting started.

So if you see these teams start taking off, you might want to visit your local church on a regular basis. Either that or face a diving elbow drop straight to hell.

A Different Kind Of Football

A new career? Chad Ochocinco might be pondering suiting 

up for Sporting Kansas City this fall instead of the Bengals.

With the impending NFL lockout, Cincinnati Bengals' wide receiver Chad Ochocinco hopes to trade in his shoulder pads for shin guards.

Ochocinco – who has grabbed publicity with sombreros, putting footballs and even a name change – is currently in the midst of a four-day tryout with the MLS team Sporting Kansas City, formerly the Kansas City Wizards.

Could this be the turing of the tide in sports in America?

It may be the world's most popular sport, but soccer has generally taken a backseat to America's love of the big three – football, basketball and baseball. If an NFL lockout ensues, the league that may benefit the most could be the MLS.

During the World Cup last year, commentators on TV often talked about how America would be a much better soccer team if other sports didn't interfere. And they're absolutely right.

Imagine LeBron James or Kobe Bryant attacking on the wing. Or Troy Polamalu taking down strikers similarly to the way he takes out an unsuspecting wide receiver. It's often been said that America has the best athletes. We pay them ridiculous salaries and idolize them like gods.

But now the time has come for soccer to step into the limelight. The NFL is quickly becoming a non-factor with each passing day that the owners and players can't agree on a collective bargaining deal.

So to the owners of the various MLS teams, take a cue from Sporting Kansas City. Several athletes grew up playing soccer during their childhood. Being professional athletes, they're in tremendous shape and a few hundred may be out of a job come September. Why not give them a chance and maybe draw a little more attention to yourselves and your sport? Who knows, you might even change the face of sports in America?

Tag 'Em And Bag 'Em

Carmelo Anthony was trade to New York, giving
the Knicks two superstars. Is it time to institute
the franchise tag like in the NFL?

It finally happened.

After weeks of rumors and endless hours of trade talk, Carmelo Anthony was finally dealt to the New York Knicks – making his debut last night at Madison Square Garden against the Milwaukee Bucks.

Upon hearing this, LeBron James came out and said that the power has shifted to the East, with teams like the Knicks and Miami Heat accumulating multiple stars over the last year.

So why did the Denver Nuggets let their rising star and fan-favorite Chauncey Billups go?

The answer is simple economics. Anthony refused to sign a contract extension during the summer, making him a free agent at the end of the season. Knowing that teams like New York and New Jersey were going to throw everything but the kitchen sink at the former Syracuse star, Denver's only hope was to trade him and at least get something in return.

But the NBA has to be careful. As bigger markets throw that kind of cash around and pluck stars from mediocre teams, the NBA is following a dangerous road to destruction. And players having more power isn't helping the cause.

It's time to propose a franchise tag, like the one in the NFL. With more negotiations coming up in October, this is the chance for owners of the smaller markets – like Denver – to gain some ground on the big boys.

Players may not like the franchise tag because it keeps them from exploring the market. But while this is true, some of the bigger markets already have that franchise player. The Lakers have Kobe Bryant. Miami has Dwayne Wade, and now James. Even the Clippers have Blake Griffin.

So why not give the smaller markets a chance with tags, while feeding players' egos by making them the face of the franchise.

Look at the NFL and the parity that has developed. Fans fill the stadium week after week because they know each game could be the one that sparks them to a Super Bowl run or the one that dashes the team's playoff hopes. The NBA would be wise in following that protocol for success.