Hot Dog!

The pain Joey Chestnut is experiencing
during Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest will
be nothing compared to the heartburn felt the
days after the competition ends.

If you haven't been to Nathan's on Coney Island or have never tuned into ESPN on July 4th, you are missing quite a spectacle.

From the 400-pound beefeaters to the tiniest of hot dog hogs, men and women of all sizes are paraded and lined up on a stage for the world's greatest competitive eating challenge – Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.

While this year's competition will miss the familiar shake of Takeru Kobayashi – a 150-pound hot dog king who is still embattled in a contract dispute – there is still be plenty of shimmying on stage. One who will surely be shaking it all about is three-time reigning champ Joey Chestnut.

As a former competitive eater, I can categorically say that doing a little jig helps. During my time at the Missourian in college, I won a hot dog-eating contest amongst the summer's sportswriters, Granted, the contest was only a minute long and most people chose to enjoy the free snacks, but I managed to down three hot dogs in that short time.

It may or may not have been the single greatest moment of my life.

Of course, there have been plenty of disasters with hot dogs, as well. Who hasn't eaten a bad polish sausage from the dorm cafeteria in college? The heartburn that follows is usually the kind that cripples you on the couch and makes you swear to never eat any processed pork product again.

So while most of you are grilling burgers and brats, just remember why we are celebrating – for the true heroes. The guys who down 60 hot dogs in 12 minutes without thinking of the ensuing pain that will follow in the coming days.

While you're at it, remember those Pepto Bismol workers passing out the pink stuff to limit the heartburn. And don't forget those honorable porcelain thrones and the folks that make them. Afterall, the massive quantity of hot dogs has to go somewhere.