Predicting Doomsday

"Macho Man" Randy Savage seemed like a perfect pick
to be the first one taken during the Rapture. Who wouldn't
want someone like him guarding the pearly gates when the
rest of the world ascends to heaven?

If you are reading this, chances are you were left behind during the Rapture. Either that or you have been are in hell, which means that you are about to lose your internet connection right... about... now.

Those of that fell for Harold Camping's prediction to the end of the world, do not feel ashamed. All looked well when God selected "Macho Man" Randy Savage early Saturday afternoon as the first pick of the Rapture. Who wouldn't want a flashy wrestler like that guarding the pearly gates as millions of people tried to find their way into heaven like it was the Super Bowl?

But for future reference, Camping might want to take a closer look at the sports world before making such a bold prediction.

For starters, while "Macho Man" was selected, God might also call upon some of the best NFL linemen to serve as bodyguards. As any quarterback in the NFL will tell you, you can never have too much help on the blindside – just ask Joe Theismann.

While the current NFL lockout may point toward the end of days for most sports fans, the fact still remains that there are some cities who are so starved for a championship, they would sell their soul to Satan – or Miami, but that's really splitting hairs.

That's right Buffalo and Cleveland, I'm talking about you.

A few years ago, the Sabres even reached the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time since the 1979-80 season – only to be denied by the Dallas Stars. Dallas had already been a nemesis of Buffalo residents long before that, as Bills fans can attest, seeing the Cowboys steal championships in the closing seconds.

Meanwhile, the LeBron led Cavs had their shot against the Lakers. The Tribe also had its chances, but Edgar Renteria's single dashed their hopes in Game 7 of the World Series. Turns out, Camping might want to look at "Back To The Future" more than the Bible for his next prediction.

Of course, Camping has said that we won't start seeing signs of the coming Apocalypse for another five months. Ironically, that would put it in October – or just as the Cubs and Indians begin making their quest for titles and the NFL and NBA seasons are getting started.

So if you see these teams start taking off, you might want to visit your local church on a regular basis. Either that or face a diving elbow drop straight to hell.